Sunday, May 31, 2009

Friday, May 29, 2009

Showing off my legs

Going forward

The monotony of being a cancer patient, exactly that monotony, I miss the interaction of people and normal things, a game of cards, a wine, a gossip even, I dont know how long I am for this world but what I do know is my frineds and family matter to me and I would love to see them all little and often. 
David is attempting to maintain a normal working and family life but as you can all appreciate that is rather difficult, part of that though is our weekends are precious and we like to spend them being as normal a family as possible, a picnic in the park, a cheese board, reading the papers.  To this end it would be great to see friends and family during the week to break up my days and how I feel, for the last week I have been really sick, not just sick but that sick when you see that path ahead is not so long, this is a place that I wish none of you to ever have to be, it is lonely and scary and I am scared, scared from top to bottom and every fibre in between. I often struggle just to get up, to have the energy to do the simplest of things.
So please help me to endure the weeks and the ups and downs of how crap I feel, I may be here for a couple of months or a couple of years and that is the hardest part but what I need is you and little and often during the week to help me through.
In this case it is not about Eva, it is about coming to see, help and support me, I appreciate and know how difficult it can be during the week but if you are able to make it work then please do - and to make things a just a little more awkward I am pretty rubbish before 10am and out of it after 6pm 
Karen x x x

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

It will be one or the other

After a long few days we feel we are finally making progress and by the end of next week we should have a clearer idea of what has been the cause of Karen's latest stay in hospital.
They feel it could really be 1 of 2 things, either the cancer is fighting back or the dying cancer cells post chemo are causing it. Obviously we hope and pray it is the later.
Next week we will have a better picture, at least for now Karen has come home and we can mange it from there until next week, less time in hospital is great.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Becoming a porker

Weigh in, another couple of weeks and another few pounds, at weigh in yesterday Eva put on 1.3 lbs up from 6 to now a massive 7.3lbs..

Monday, May 25, 2009

I love my early feed

Warm and loving it

Who says the UK isn't warm, it is a balmy 25 degrees today and Eva and I have just been out to enjoy it, it is great to be able to leave her uncovered so she can feel the breeze and hear the birds, spoilt to say the least.

We went out to grab a few groceries and then sat in the park for a while to watch the world go by and contemplate life, Eva brings us so much joy as we all struggle with the downside when cancer takes a bite back, albeit temporarily.

Karen has slid a little further and we hope tomorrow when everyone is back on deck we can start reversing the downward spiral, with what is going on they won't even let her hold Eva so life is somewhat tough at the moment to say the least.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Its like Eva knows

It has taken until 4am for Eva to settle, wow this dad caper isn't all its cracked up to be, but look how peaceful and content she is now! I think she knows mum isn't so well best Karen gets well and gets home soon.

Those moments when life can be a little tough

Our weekend away got cut short this morning at 3am, Karen had a temp and felt rubbish so off to Bath hospital we went. After a short stay we decided the best approach was to head for Leeds, 4 hours but at least where we could get the best care. They aren't too sure what is wrong but a transfusion was a good place to start. I will keep you posted.

As always things tend to hit us in numbers and once home with Eva she decided to distribute her dinner all over me, the couch and herself! Hopefully my dad skills as well as Karen's calm voice over the phone will help settle us both so we can get some much needed sleep.

Friday, May 22, 2009



While dad was working mum and Eva have been exploring the stunning town of Bath, it is a truly amazing place and if you are ever visiting the UK it is another of those must see places. If I can convince Karen it may end up being a place of residence for a while, that obviously depends greatly on how life pans out.

Karen is feeling really rough today, as much as the chemo is helping it is wearing her down to point where today she will be lucky to even get out, it frustrates the hell out of her and we struggle for moments not affected by the disease.

As much as we refuse to give in the things we all take for granted like waking up and actually being able to or having the will to get out of bed, seeing the sun is shining and not having the energy to venture outside and enjoy it become near impossible.

Karen always puts on a brave face to friends, family and visitors and only when she is alone again does she let show how she truly feels, it is harrowing, upsetting and heart breaking.

The christening is around the corner and only a month ago we didn't believe all three of us would get there, we are looking forward to having all those together that can be and celebrating the moment.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Going out with dad

Half Way

Nine down nine to go, well for this lot of treatment anyway, today is half way which is a big milestone for us all in Karen's treatment, the last nine weeks have flown and as each week goes by the cancer gets smaller and and Karen gets a little more run down.  They are hitting Karen really hard with the chemo so we expected her to feel pretty bad and that she is, we cherish the good days and as much as I struggle with what Karen has to endure each week I enjoy the Tuesday to spend time with Eva one on one and make sure she knows the way it really is, not. 
We find the hardest thing is it feels like there is a bomb in the house waiting to at any minute explode and we don't know how long is on the clock!!
Eva is spending more and more time awake and as you can see from the video more and more attentive.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Relaxing after a big weekend

Wow, home two weeks now and all three of us are getting use to each other, well us to Eva and Eva to us anyway.
We went down south for the day yesterday and as you can see from the photo Eva is a little worn out from the whole experience, it was great to see everyone though.
We are off down south after Karen's chemo on Tuesday I have appointments for the rest of the week so Karen and Eva will come along for the ride and do some exploring during the day.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The numbers keep dropping

Every three weeks Karen has a clinic appointment to get the results and see who is winning, chemo or cancer.
The tumour markers started at a whopping 4600, last time had dropped to 2200 and as of today 1500, we are winning the fight and see it as living with not dying from cancer. For all of you in the southern hemisphere we are going into summer, sunny, warm, light early until really late, you?

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I am not always like this

Eva sleeps soundly now, if only she could have been so angelic throughout the night, we will put it down to a growth spurt, needing to have food every couple of hours that is! She now weighs 6 pounds so twice the size she was when she joined the world.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hanging out with Great Aunt Jane

A new chair

As each day goes by Eva gets bigger, hungrier and more awake, she really does make being parents really easy, well for now anyway.  Karen successfully negotiated another chemo yesterday and has the unfortunate pleasure of the chemo haze days to come.
Video 1

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Awake for all to see

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A day with dad

Another week another chemo, Karen is in Leeds today having chemo and as you can see from the photo Eva is none too phased by the whole experience.
She has been kind enough to take her bottles every four hours leaving me time to catch up on work and add some value back to Soft Tech, my employer who is gone above and beyond with their support.
We got Karen's latest tumour markers yesterday and they continue to get lower so long may the trend continue.
Back to work.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Settling In

It still seems strange to be able to just walk over and see Eva instead of having to drive to the hospital. Having the long weekend to settle in as a three and get use to the broken sleep has been great and we have treasured every moment. Karen had a very up and down week last week with things going down hill a bit for a few days, a combination of many things, she is now got that bounce back in her step ready to face chemo again on Wednesday instead of Tuesday this week as a result of the holiday here today. Eva continues to be a star eating, sleeping and even doing a bit of playing when she is awake, the only problem being that seems to be between 11pm and 4am, we think she has her night and day a bit mixed up.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Hanging out with Grandma

My first cuddle with Linda and Jeff, wow things are looking up meeting new people and enjoying being normal.

Friday, May 1, 2009

A new place, a new home but always happy to have food.

Coming right at you from the sofa, hope you all have a great weekend.

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A very special visitor

Eva had her first official visitor on Wednesday, and a very special visitor she was, Annie and Eva seemed to be as happy as each other, Annie is one of Eva's god parents, ably assisted by Ruth, Karen's cousin and Mark, my brother, we look forward to sharing many special moments with all of you.

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On the way

The moment is now complete, we are three, Eva is now officially not tagged and a patient but our daughter and part of our lives, our home and each and every moment. It is such a special moment to have her home and I am sure by tonight we will have got off the couch and got something done other than sitting and admiring her.
Thank you all again for all your support, presents and just for being there, it has been a hard road and everyone of you has made it easier.
Leaving Video

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At home with mum and dad