So an ambulance trip it was so Karen could lie down and be as comfortable as possible, she feels rubbish and we both hope the scans today reveal what is causing all the trouble, apart from the obvious, neither of us are ready to face how things have deteriorated this week, hopefully it is something simple.
Thank god my parents were here and we were able to leave Eva with them and fly, it takes a load off our mind when there is so much else to be worried about.
So today check-in, tomorrow ultrasound and drain and then Thursday back home, as much as it is a necessity we just don't want to be in hospital and find it increasingly hard each and every time.
We will update you as the week progresses, yesterday the Ritz (email to follow with pics), today hospital, the ups and downs of that bitch cancer.
Today it is our nephews / god sons first birthday party a special occasion and one we were never going to miss, with mum and dad in town as well there will be a five man band in attendance and I think they are excited as we are, photos will follow.
On Monday thanks to the Willow Foundation, support for people under 40 with terminal illness, Karen is off to the Ritz for tea and cake, she has always wanted to do this and now it is going to happen.
The rest of the week is not quite as upbeat, one of the by-products of cancer is fluid and Karen has a heap of it building up in her stomach, so as much as we avoid it a trip back to hospital to get it drained is looking more and more likely, hard for us both to get our heads around.
That's about all for now, Eva has finished burping so time for me to get back to bed.
Eva was on her best behaviour and now has the pleasure of Ruth, Mark and Ann as proud god parents, she is equally as proud to have them, we have just a few photos and videos so as soon as can grab a moment I will upload some.
For those of you that couldn't make it, you were there with us and we felt it.
We spent the afternoon going through cards and gifts and your generosity humble us, thank you.
It was even more special that all three of us were able to make the ceremony and the drinks afterwards, moments to be remembered and treasured.
Photos to follow.
A HUGE THANK YOU to Soft Tech.
Karen has exhausted when she does even the smallest of things but has loved seeing her close family and friends and the chance to see her mum and dad, precious time for all amongst the stress and anxiety.
Let's hope this week goes to plan.
Fingers crossed.
Eva is as content as ever and thanks to uncle Mark, aunt Emma and cousins Grace and Ellen she now has something for her pram to entertain her on our walks.
It is an amazing peaceful and happy place, as you can imagine it is really hard for us both to go into a hospice which has the sole intent of easing the journey for people with terminal diseases. There aren't many 38 year olds around!
Karen has an incredible room, with views, great food people and support we could only have dreamed of, it truly is a special place.
We hope to get her home on Monday and make the most of any energy she has, doing normal family and couple things, we so wish we had a crystal ball so we could see that tomorrow brings enough energy for this to happen, I will hope for as much.
It seems strange to be just starting out as a couple and a family and now facing and discussing death, I don't feel angry but I will always, always feel ripped off! We have had the most amazing times, I never dreamed of such happiness. Let's all hope and pray for a miracle and that we can have a few more of those special times yet.
WHY
Considering current circumstances we have made a small change to the plan for the afternoon on the 21st, as you are all travelling from afar we thought it important to let you know.
The actual christening and meet here then walk to the church remains the same, please be here on time so we don't hold the church up, if you are running late please call me on 07984 533 290.
We have cancelled the drinks etc afterwards at Hotel Du Vin as we feel Karen will not be up to it, the aim between now and then other than the obvious is to get Karen well enough to make it.
Thank you for all your emails, calls and messages of support, we are sorry if we don't get a chance to reply to them all but know that each and every word gives us strength so a huge thank you.
Karen had her scan today and this evening we met with the consultant, the news is pretty bad. Why I am typing this email, good question, I guess more for me than you, a way of getting my head, well an attempt anyway around what we found out this evening.
The latest scan explains why Karen has been deteriorating so much, the chemo worked to begin with and now it is not, the existing cancer has grown and spread and our path forward seems to become one of managing symptoms and quality of life rather than fighting the cancer.
It is now at the point where we it seems we have exhausted the options available and the days that lie ahead are numbered.
We are scared, scared or the very limited time we have left and the very difficult and painful path we now take, this will test everything we have as individuals and as a family, for as long as we can remain one.
As of tonight Karen is still in hospital but tomorrow we will do all we can to get her home and make the most of the time we have left.
Selfishly I don't want anyone to see Karen so we can make the most of the limited time, irrational I know but understandable I am sure, so please try talk to Karen about seeing her she needs all of you at the moment and sorry to be a pain in the ass but out of respect for me please try to make it short and sweet, she is my wife, my soul mate, my lover and my companion, I have not even had two years, please support and respect that and help me to make the most of the limited time.
I am facing loosing my everything, haven't my world turned upside down forever, Karen has completed me, now I face a life without her.
David.
Each day that passes at the moment sees Karen deteriorate further, we both know something is wrong and hope like hell it isn't what it appears to be, life is tough at the moment and we struggle to get any up moments amongst all the down.
Cancer is a bitch, it takes away the life of the person with it and all those close to them.
On the upside, the bundle of joy commonly known as Eva is thriving, she grows more everyday and brings us moments of joy amongst the tough times.
We treasure the moments we have and hope we can have them for a lot longer yet, we both hope Karen can get a little of her old self back for the christening in two weeks.
