Tuesday, June 30, 2009

How quickly things can change

We went in for our pre admission check-up yesterday and by the time we got home Karen had gone downhill, by 6pm her abdomen had grown even more and she was really sore, we had no choice but to get Karen back to hospital.

So an ambulance trip it was so Karen could lie down and be as comfortable as possible, she feels rubbish and we both hope the scans today reveal what is causing all the trouble, apart from the obvious, neither of us are ready to face how things have deteriorated this week, hopefully it is something simple.

Thank god my parents were here and we were able to leave Eva with them and fly, it takes a load off our mind when there is so much else to be worried about.

The big day out

Today found Anne and I sitting in a first class carriage heading south to London to enjoy tea at the Ritz.

The Ritz was everything you would expect it to be and more, arrived for a 1:30 sitting and enjoyed the next hour and a half indulging in quaint finger sandwiches with a selection of pastries and cream tea all served on bone china and tea poured from silver tea pots.

Over zealous as ever I was told off for taking photos but managed a few, here enclosed.

After tea we enjoyed a relaxing time on plush sofas in the Rivoli bar being served a great non-alcoholic cocktail. While enjoying the moment we were frequented by the presence of non other than Rod Stewart, blond bimbo in tow.

It was then a chauffeur back to the train for the return journey, all in all a very special day and a massive thank you to the Willow Foundation for making it happen.

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A trip back to hospital

Well here we are again back in St James hospital, over the past week Karen has been getting a little worse and her stomach expanding, it has got to the stage where it is causing her discomfort so the time has come to check it out with an ultrasound and hopefully put in a drain and remove some of the fluid build up.

So today check-in, tomorrow ultrasound and drain and then Thursday back home, as much as it is a necessity we just don't want to be in hospital and find it increasingly hard each and every time.

We will update you as the week progresses, yesterday the Ritz (email to follow with pics), today hospital, the ups and downs of that bitch cancer.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Each week is special

Well here we are at the end of another week and Karen is remaining strong and on top of the fight. With two big goals this weekend and next week as well as the obvious being of course Eva and I the motivation to never give in is unyielding.

Today it is our nephews / god sons first birthday party a special occasion and one we were never going to miss, with mum and dad in town as well there will be a five man band in attendance and I think they are excited as we are, photos will follow.

On Monday thanks to the Willow Foundation, support for people under 40 with terminal illness, Karen is off to the Ritz for tea and cake, she has always wanted to do this and now it is going to happen.

The rest of the week is not quite as upbeat, one of the by-products of cancer is fluid and Karen has a heap of it building up in her stomach, so as much as we avoid it a trip back to hospital to get it drained is looking more and more likely, hard for us both to get our heads around.

That's about all for now, Eva has finished burping so time for me to get back to bed.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Monday, June 22, 2009

A day to remember

Yesterday, Eva's christening was perfect in every way, it was sunny, warm and more importantly friends and family came together to make it complete.

Eva was on her best behaviour and now has the pleasure of Ruth, Mark and Ann as proud god parents, she is equally as proud to have them, we have just a few photos and videos so as soon as can grab a moment I will upload some.

For those of you that couldn't make it, you were there with us and we felt it.

We spent the afternoon going through cards and gifts and your generosity humble us, thank you.

It was even more special that all three of us were able to make the ceremony and the drinks afterwards, moments to be remembered and treasured.

Photos to follow.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Flowers, Soft Tech amazes me

My employer is truly amazing, a very special bunch of flowers greeted Karen.

A HUGE THANK YOU to Soft Tech.


Karen came home today, a little worse for wear and fluctuating between rooted and completely rooted (technical term). We didn't think she would come home so it is great for all three of us.
So to the second room Eva and I go, broken nights sleep would send Karen over the edge and I am well use to it so all worth it if it helps Karen's well being.
The aim now, Eva's christening on Sunday. On Eva, we had weigh in today and she is now 8 pound 6 ounces, so continues to thrive.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The good and the bad

Karen will kill me for sending this but I wanted you all to have an insight as to where she is at, Karen no longer has the strength or energy to even feed Eva and has an overwhelming feeling of fatigue that I hope none of us will ever feel.
I treasure the time we have together, it frustrates Karen that she can't even hold a conversation but for me just being able to be, all three of us is special.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Fingers crossed

After a few days in the hospice we seem to have Karen's symptoms under control and if things go to plan she will be home tomorrow for my birthday, it would be the best birthday present ever.

Karen has exhausted when she does even the smallest of things but has loved seeing her close family and friends and the chance to see her mum and dad, precious time for all amongst the stress and anxiety.

Let's hope this week goes to plan.

Fingers crossed.

Precious time, mum and daughter.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Enjoying the day

Another stunning day, under such different circumstances our life would be perfect.

Eva is as content as ever and thanks to uncle Mark, aunt Emma and cousins Grace and Ellen she now has something for her pram to entertain her on our walks.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I am meant to be a sleep

Morning time with Eva, ususally just before five, the great thing about the UKk at this time of the year is it is light by four and the birds sound incredible.

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A place to call home

Karen has now settled in to St Michaels hospice which is thankfully walking distance so yes in Harrogate, this way Eva and I can see her as much as possible.

It is an amazing peaceful and happy place, as you can imagine it is really hard for us both to go into a hospice which has the sole intent of easing the journey for people with terminal diseases. There aren't many 38 year olds around!

Karen has an incredible room, with views, great food people and support we could only have dreamed of, it truly is a special place.

We hope to get her home on Monday and make the most of any energy she has, doing normal family and couple things, we so wish we had a crystal ball so we could see that tomorrow brings enough energy for this to happen, I will hope for as much.

It seems strange to be just starting out as a couple and a family and now facing and discussing death, I don't feel angry but I will always, always feel ripped off! We have had the most amazing times, I never dreamed of such happiness. Let's all hope and pray for a miracle and that we can have a few more of those special times yet.

Enjoying the great outdoors


I am sitting here settling Eva or her me or both, the previous pictures, and the word that comes to both of us all encompassing of our predicament is;


The many faces of Eva Whyman

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Eva's christening

Dear All,

Considering current circumstances we have made a small change to the plan for the afternoon on the 21st, as you are all travelling from afar we thought it important to let you know.

The actual christening and meet here then walk to the church remains the same, please be here on time so we don't hold the church up, if you are running late please call me on 07984 533 290.

We have cancelled the drinks etc afterwards at Hotel Du Vin as we feel Karen will not be up to it, the aim between now and then other than the obvious is to get Karen well enough to make it.

Thank you for all your emails, calls and messages of support, we are sorry if we don't get a chance to reply to them all but know that each and every word gives us strength so a huge thank you.

Time with the big man!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Eva & Dad, missing mum.

The reality sinks in

The picture is now little clearer after meeting again this morning with the specialists, it is cancer and it is growing and it seems rather fast at that. We have more than days, less than months so in their opinion weeks. We hope to get Karen to Harrogate as soon as we can into a hospice to get her symptoms under control with the hope of her spending as much time at home as possible.
I am at a loss for anything to say really, above is the facts, if I get close to my feelings and emotions I break down in tears and sobbing, I am speechless, words will never do justice.

Monday, June 8, 2009

A life less complete

Dear All,

Karen had her scan today and this evening we met with the consultant, the news is pretty bad. Why I am typing this email, good question, I guess more for me than you, a way of getting my head, well an attempt anyway around what we found out this evening.

The latest scan explains why Karen has been deteriorating so much, the chemo worked to begin with and now it is not, the existing cancer has grown and spread and our path forward seems to become one of managing symptoms and quality of life rather than fighting the cancer.

It is now at the point where we it seems we have exhausted the options available and the days that lie ahead are numbered.

We are scared, scared or the very limited time we have left and the very difficult and painful path we now take, this will test everything we have as individuals and as a family, for as long as we can remain one.

As of tonight Karen is still in hospital but tomorrow we will do all we can to get her home and make the most of the time we have left.

Selfishly I don't want anyone to see Karen so we can make the most of the limited time, irrational I know but understandable I am sure, so please try talk to Karen about seeing her she needs all of you at the moment and sorry to be a pain in the ass but out of respect for me please try to make it short and sweet, she is my wife, my soul mate, my lover and my companion, I have not even had two years, please support and respect that and help me to make the most of the limited time.

I am facing loosing my everything, haven't my world turned upside down forever, Karen has completed me, now I face a life without her.


Back in again

This morning we had no choice but to succumb, Karen is simply to sick to be at home so she is once again in St James hospital, hopefully not for long but if how she looks and feels is any indication it maybe longer than we think. We can only hope it is something simple!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Bigger each day

Life gets a little tougher

Another week goes by and Karen is back on the chemo train, each time it hits her even harder and late last night Karen spiked a temperature and is fighting going back into hospital either way by Monday we both suspect we won't have a choice.

Each day that passes at the moment sees Karen deteriorate further, we both know something is wrong and hope like hell it isn't what it appears to be, life is tough at the moment and we struggle to get any up moments amongst all the down.

Cancer is a bitch, it takes away the life of the person with it and all those close to them.

On the upside, the bundle of joy commonly known as Eva is thriving, she grows more everyday and brings us moments of joy amongst the tough times.

We treasure the moments we have and hope we can have them for a lot longer yet, we both hope Karen can get a little of her old self back for the christening in two weeks.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

June already

Karen has chemo again today, it worries us what affect this round will have, she is already running on a flat battery so this week could be a hard one. We had a bit of a reality check with Karen's tumour markers which have gone up this week, until we have the CT scan results it doesn't mean much either way but still leaves a nagging sense of dread in the back or our minds.
So today for me is work and baby sitting, a big thank you to all of you for your emails and support and it is only a couple of weeks to Eva's christening.